Brandon was appointed the chairperson of the camp committee. One of his tasks was to select a competent team of 5 who would be able to work together. If you had asked if he knew what working together meant back then, he would have confidently said yes. Of course he never thought that things could go so horribly wrong.
So off he went, recruiting people to be part of his committee. There were several rejections, but Brandon was persuasive and brutally efficient. Within the span of a week, he was able to organize the first committee meeting.
At the first committee meeting, everyone was present except for Vanessa. The reason for her absence: a family member of a close friend had recently passed away. Initially, the other members of the committee showed concern for her. However, it soon became clear that this was merely an excuse when she repeatedly failed to turn up for scheduled meetings. Everyone had the same question on their minds: Just how many close friends did she have?
Brandon was most unimpressed. He made the fatal assumption that Vanessa was not interested in being part of the team and then proceeded to replace her. In came Ruth and out went Vanessa. The committee also stopped informing Vanessa of any updates regarding the camp.
A month before the camp, a flustered Vanessa burst into one of the committee meetings. She immediately confronted Brandon, “How could you kick me out of the committee without informing me?”
Brandon was clearly taken aback by the interruption. However he regained his composure fairly quickly and went on the defensive, “I thought you did not want to be in this committee. You never attended a single meeting.”
“It’s not fair! You did not inform me of the recent meetings.”
“You’re always making excuses! If you really wanted to be part of this committee, couldn’t you have taken your own initiative to find out?” Brandon retorted.
More angry exchanges ensued. Eventually Vanessa became so emotionally upset that she stomped out of the room. After making light of the whole issue, Brandon resumed the meeting.
However, the rest of the committee were still affected by the intense argument between Brandon and Vanessa. Even though the committee did not want Vanessa in the team, they realized that they were guilty of not informing her. Brandon, on the other hand, could not understand how the decision to replace Vanessa without her knowledge could have caused so much hurt to her. Moreover, he is a proud man. His egocentric nature often prevented him from making apologies.
If you were one of the members in Brandon’s team, how would you attempt to resolve the conflict between Brandon and Vanessa?
I would try to talk to Brandon first and ask him whether he treasures his friendship with Vanessa. If he does, he should lay down his pride and apologize to Vanessa first. Replacing her without telling her is definitely wrong no matter how irresponsible she was.
ReplyDeleteVanessa might be more receptive to talking to Brandon upon receiving an upfront apology. Brandon can then talk to her more openly about the reasons for his behaviour and ask her if she had any troubles that might be causing her to constantly miss the meetings. Open communication would allow both parties to address the real issue at hand and prevent actions that might arise from false assumptions.
Hi Zhisheng,
ReplyDeleteHaving the experience of being in a newly found committee myself, I can understand the rationale behind Brandon's actions. Indeed, some would agree to join the committee, only to become phantom members once their other commitments set in. Hence, I think that Brandon was not wrong in replacing Vanessa, especially if the post was an important one.
However, I think that perhaps Brandon should have tried to understand from Vanessa as to why she was not turning up for the committee meetings, and perhaps get her to agree to a lesser role if she was indeed too busy to cope.
Also, Brandon could have possibly resolved the exchange with Vanessa better by being more tactful. I would think that Brandon was lacking in self-regulation by letting his anger influence his conversation with Vanessa.
As for the resolution, if I were part of the committee, I would probably let Brandon know that his actions and words were rather hurtful towards Vanessa, and if he valued his relationship with Vanessa, he should initiate an apology. Afterall, good relationship management is a component of leadership too.
On the other hand, I would let Vanessa know about how her constant absence has affected the committee and that it was not Brandon's intention to exclude her, but a necessary step in ensuring that the committee is able to achieve its goals.
Dear Zhisheng,
ReplyDeleteIf I were a committee member, I would definitely think sitting down and having an open discussion would be ideal.
However, if I do not really know Vanessa personally, then I would consider speaking with Brandon and possibly giving him some feedback as this would affect my morale and the team spirit as well.
You do an excellent job of contextualizing this conflict and describing the characters involved, Zhisheng. You've also received useful feedback. Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your insightful comments! You will see that I have included many of your ideas in my proposed resolution.
ReplyDeleteMy course of action as a committee member would be two-fold. It would involve speaking to both Brandon and Vanessa. Explaining Vanessa’s reactions to him would be the easy part; getting him to identify with her situation is not. As such, I would have to probe deeper and find out if he is willing to reconcile with Vanessa.
I would then arrange to speak to Vanessa individually. Rather than question her in an interrogative fashion, I would use an indirect approach (by using leading questions) to find out more details. Empathy is most crucial here. Everyone loves to have a listening ear, and Vanessa is more likely to open up if she knows I’m not meeting her to criticize her.
If both sides are comfortable with reconciliation, I would then arrange a meet-up. An open discussion would facilitate this process. Like Clement rightly pointed out, I would have to ensure that both parties exercise self-regulation by gently reminding them to be open but sensitive.
That said, this conflict was never completely resolved despite taking the above steps. Although I still feel it is the best way so far, I am no longer as naïve to believe that every interpersonal conflict can be resolved as long as all the steps are dutifully followed. However, we should put experience to use and seek to prevent future conflicts rather than seeking to “fire-fight”.
Dear Zhisheng
ReplyDeleteJudging from your post, I assume Brandon and Vanessa weren't very close friends before the incident? Also, I have to ask how long before Vanessa actually realized she was kicked out of the team? If she took a long time to find out, it would show that she didn't care much about the the camp. I also agree with Brandon that Vanessa should have taken the initiative to find out about upcoming meetings.
To be fair to Vanessa, the fact that she was angry about being replaced shows that she still cares about her position to a certain extent. As a group member, I would invite Vanessa out with the rest of the group members, less Brandon. As we all probably wouldn't want her back into the team, I would refrain from questioning her about the what has already happened. Instead, I would give her helpful advice about joining camp committees in the future.
Dear Jasper,
ReplyDeleteMany thanks for your comment. You are right to say that Brandon and Vanessa were not close friends. Vanessa also took about 3 months to realize that she wasn't in the team any longer. Like both Clement and you, I am of the opinion that Brandon had a valid point when he said that Vanessa should have taken the initiative to find out.
However, Brandon's weakness lies in the lack of self-regulation and tendency to employ sweeping generalizations in his accusations. I quote Wendell Johnson "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." Admittedly, exceptions to this rule exists, but these doesn't invalidate the advice. May we become more self-aware of the words we use when we speak.