Sunday, February 7, 2010

Application Letter (1st Draft)

This is my first draft because I decided to apply for a different job. I would love to hear your comments!


Job Description


Trainers will be involved in teaching and facilitating students in the area of Science / Life Science as well as developing science education programmes.


Candidates should

  • have a Degree or Diploma in Science, Life Science or Maths
  • possess excellent interpersonal communication skills and the ability to establish strong rapport with students of all levels, academic abilities and races
  • be able to present clearly and confidently to a class of students
  • have an aptitude and passion in teaching and R&D
  • be fluent in written and spoken English


Requirements:

  • Strictly for Locals and Permanent Residents only. Foreigners need not apply.
  • Teaching experience with youth is preferred.
  • Diligent, responsible, mature, sociable and is a good role model for youth.
  • Highly motivated, has initiative, excellent work ethics and creativity



If you have the passion for dynamic teaching and meet the above requirements, you are welcome to send your resume to:

teammates@carolinasingapore.com



Application Letter:



Hou Zhisheng


*address & email removed


4 February 2010


Recruitment Officer

Human Resource Department

203B Henderson Road
#03-08 Henderson Industrial Park
Singapore 159548


Dear Sir / Madam


POST OF LIFE SCIENCE INSTRUCTOR (TRAINER)


I am writing in response to the advertisement on the JobsDB website for the position of Life Science Instructor at Carolina Biological Supply (S) Pte Ltd.


Being a Life Science undergraduate at the University of Singapore, I have the relevant skills, knowledge and expertise required to be a Life Science Instructor. I understand that the position I am applying for will require excellent laboratory techniques as the instructor will be teaching students how to carry out an experiment. This is where my years of training in laboratory work as a science student will come in handy. In addition, I have also recently completed an experimental microbiology module and obtained a distinction in it.


It was when I was a relief teacher at a primary school for 2 months that I discovered my passion for teaching. Having to plan lessons for primary school students of all levels taught me to be resourceful in finding creative ways to conduct lessons. In the classrooms, I was able to develop strong rapport with my students and I still remain in contact with some of them even though it has been 5 years ago.


My interaction with students did not stop at relief teaching. I also tutored both primary and secondary school students as individuals as well as in groups. Group tuition was particularly challenging as I had to cope with students of differing academic abilities. In order to help the weaker students, I often devoted time after tuition to do a short summary for them.


As the Vice-chairperson in Varsity Christian Fellowship (Science), I realized the importance of being an exemplary role model to my members. I enjoy the responsibility of motivating and encouraging my members. In addition, I was a treasurer as well as a patrol leader in the Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) Scout Troop. Through the various leadership positions, I had to learn to work with a diverse group of people with differing personalities. This has sharpened my awareness and interpersonal skills.


A career with Carolina Biological Supply (S) Pte Ltd will provide me with the opportunity to be part of the highly dynamic and rewarding education sector. Knowing that the company is a leading institution that is dedicated to quality education attracts me to want to contribute to this noble cause. I believe that given the opportunity, I will be able to contribute and succeed at Carolina Biological Supply (S) Pte Ltd.


I have enclosed my resume for your perusal and I welcome the opportunity to discuss my qualifications with you. If you have any queries or wish to contact me, you may contact me at *hp number removed* or at *email address*. Thank you for your kind attention. I look forward to hearing from you.


Best Regards,

Hou Zhisheng

5 comments:

  1. Dear Zhisheng,

    A good application letter overall as you have managed to address most of the requirements of the job. However I feel that it is a little too long.

    In my opinion, you may want to cut down a little on introductory sentences like "My interaction with students did not stop at relief teaching." You may also want to shorten sentences from "It was when I was a relief teacher at a primary school for 2 months that I discovered my passion for teaching." to "I discovered my passion for teaching..." These would make your application letter get right to the point.

    Just my five cents worth.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Zhi Sheng

    I think your application letter is very organized. You have managed to put each point in clear distinct paragraphs. Furthermore, you have given very relevant qualifications for this job.

    As mentioned by Kun Lin, I feel it could be more concise. For example, in your second paragraph you wrote “I understand that the position I am applying for will require excellent laboratory techniques as the instructor will be teaching students how to carry out an experiment.” It may be appropriate to just write “I understand the position requires excellent laboratory techniques.”

    You also wrote “This is where my years of training in laboratory work as a science student will come in handy.” I personally feel this might be slightly informal. You might want to consider rephrasing.

    You might also want to consider elaborating more on your education level as I feel it’s a little vague.

    Hope I’m of help

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  3. You addressed all the requirements in the job description very well. I felt it was a tad lengthy though. You might want to cut it down to five paragraphs by combining your teaching experiences and summarizing them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Zhisheng,

    I agree with Jie Ren that the application letter is a little too lengthy. You might want to consider joining your third and fourth paragraphs as they both revolve around your experience as a teacher. After combining these two paragraphs you may want to concentrate on just one teaching experience and leave out the second one which you think is less impressive relative to the first. Let the resume do the job of bringing out your other experiences. Bring out the most impressive one in your paragraph.

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  5. I am most appreciative of the comments you made. As you have mentioned, I felt that my application letter was lengthy and could be more concise.

    Kun Lin: Thanks for the specific pointers on how to reduce the fillers.

    Glenn: You have been a great help! You provided good feedback and I’ve taken much of it into consideration. I didn’t elaborate on my education as I feel that my resume will show that I’m qualified for the job. Instead, I chose to emphasize on the other aspects like character traits which are important elements for a teaching career. Nevertheless, you made a very valid point about the informal tone which I adopted. I will make the relevant changes.

    Jie Ren: As suggested, I merged the two paragraphs. Thanks for the advice!

    Diana: Although the second one is less impressive, I felt it brought up a different point. I wanted to portray a more caring and personal side. That said, I could have done better to summarise that paragraph and I have merged the two paragraphs into one. Thanks for the feedback.

    ReplyDelete